Is it wrong to never want to speak to your parent again? To never see them again? To never have them tell you they love you, because you know it must be a lie? To not introduce them to the person you have fallen in love with? To not invite them to your wedding, and to never let them see your children? Is that so wrong when this parent has hurt you in such a way that you never want to risk them hurting you again; or hurting the ones you hold so dear?

I lost my job today; and all because I made a mistake and did something I didn’t even know was against the rules.  While I was working as a cashier last week this woman said she didn’t want her promotional gift card because she always forgot she had it and so she never ended up using it and so she gave it to me.  It never crossed my mind that there would be a problem with this, so I of course thanked her and took it.  The next day when I used it apparently somehow they knew that I wasn’t the one who bought the stuff to get it and sent a notification to the HR who told me today that this was against company policy to take gift cards from guests and that my employment there was terminated.  It was all I could do not to cry standing in the locker room at work.  Once I got home I cried some and my grandmother and I went out shopping to take my mind off of things, though we of course didn’t buy anything as I now have no job.  I’m applying for another job in lots of other places, but I will really miss my work family at my old job.  I loved working there.  Who knew you couldn’t accept a gift from someone like that. *sigh*

While I was at work today, my former best friend who is jealous of my boyfriend and I (or at least that’s what we think her problem is.  She says she just can’t accept that we are together, but everyone we talk to just says that it sounds like she’s jealous.) called me.  I of course couldn’t answer because I was at work.  So after getting off, and seeing that I had missed her call I listened to her message.  Basically is said that she wanted to ask me something.  So naturally I called her back.  To be honest I didn’t want to because I didnt’ want to deal with whatever she wanted to ask me, but I figured what the heck.  And besides, just because she’s not being nice to me at all, doesn’t mean I have to act the same.  So I call her back but she doesn’t answer her house phone or her cell.  Thus, I leave a message saying that I’m sorry I missed her call, I was at work, and that she could call me back when she gets the chance.  Just a few minutes ago she calls me back.  Apparently, the question she needed to ask was if I had reported the role play for something (she didn’t say what, and I can’t think of anything to report it for) because it had been suspended.  Now, anyone who really knows me would know that the thought of doing something like that would have never  (and didn’t) cross my mind.  I never thought to sabotage their game and their fun all because I was upset.  To be honest, I wasn’t even really that mad that I recall.  I was just mainly bored.  Sure, I was upset at her for ignoring me all the time, but the base of why I quit was because it was boring to me.  She would have known this had she taken the time to tell me goodbye or anything when I said I was quitting.  So, what this whole post comes down to, is that the person who I once thought was my very best friend in the world, and who knew me better than anyone, things so low of me that she would automatically think I would try to shut down her role play all because I was mad over a month ago.  Does anyone else see this as a pure insult?

I got the bills for that Dr. appointment of a couple weeks ago and I was very glad that I worked 8am-almost 11pm Saturday because the bill is over $500 for one hour of their time and a single test.  I guess I shouldn’t be complaining because it could be so much worse.  I could have needed surgery and now be paying $15,000-$20,000 instead of a mere $500.  It’s just that I feel like with all the working I’m doing, I’m taking one step forward and three steps back.  But hopefully things will get better soon because everything I need to buy should be gotten now.  All I have left is Christmas shopping to do (which will take a couple hundred) but after that, I’m good to go.

Have you ever felt like no matter what you did, the whole world was against you and it was doing it’s best to shut every idea and plan you have down? That’s what I felt like today. I felt like no matter how hard I tried, every time I came up with a plan for life that I was sure would work, something would happen and my world would be changed again and I would have to go back to point A and rethink my plan. I hate this. Today, I was having a very good day. I was happy. And then, around 1 o’clock, my Teddy Bear texts me and says that he and his dad got into a fight. So I get on Skype and we talk about it. Apparently all our plans for my move there in January have been put on momentary halt until we can figure some things out. Such as who I’m going to be living with. The original plan was that myself, and another friend would be getting an apartment together and my boyfriend would continue to live with his parents for the next 6 months to a year while we actually get some time to really date and stuff like a normal couple would do. This was a great plan we thought. Until my friend’s parents told her that if she moves out in January, they won’t continue to support her financially with school. However, if she waits a couple years and gets her Bachelor’s degree before moving out, they will help her. So, she agrees and puts my bf and I in a pinch. Now what do we do? Get a place just us right away and wait for her to get her degree and then have her join us, or have me stay here and stay 1500 miles apart for the next couple of years? So, we decided on the first choice because it’s just really stressful and hard to be this far apart. We know that living in the same apartment, especially it just being us isn’t generally considered a good choice, and it’s not what we would prefer, but we really saw no other options, and we made a promise that nothing would happen that we wouldnt’ do with someone else living there. We dont’ want to be like every other couple who moves in together and then woops, the girl gets pregnant and they either get married, or just continue to date or even worse, break up because of all the stress. We would rather just not take the risk at all and keep things safe. Besides, we both would rather wait till we are married. It may not be the easiest thing, but we both know that it’s the right thing, and that’s what matters most. So, that aside, that’s what the plan was. Until today when he dad decided to blow that plan out the door. He too says that if my wonderful Teddy Bear moves out in January, and gets a place with me, he won’t support him at all. So, now we are back to the drawing board; only this time, there is no plan B to turn to. Now we must come up with something else and it’s not easy at all. He then remembered later (after I had gone to my room and cried for about half an hour and vented to the friend who I was going to move in with in the original plan) that his brother and brother’s girlfriend just bought a house together and it has a spare room that they were going to rent to said brother’s friend. But, luckly for us, brother’s friend for some reason unbeknownst to us, won’t be living in this spare room so it’s free. Now we are hoping that my bf’s brother’s gf (that’s a mouthful) can convince my boyfriend’s brother to let me stay there. Of course I would be pitching in rent wise and I would help out around the house and stuff, so I wouldn’t be a burden to them, but he could still very easily say that he would rather not, and if that’s what happens, I’m not sure what we will do. I know we will figure something out, I’m just afraid that that something will either one, result in my staying here a couple more years, which I dont’ want to do (Even though I love it here, I just miss him too much), or it will drive a huge wedge between him and his father, and that’s the last thing I want.